VC-funded Startups (a song written by me)

OK, I haven't posted in a while. OK, for a month. But I've been busy. Came out of retirement to a job (and maybe to a PhD program). More on those topics later, maybe.

On the job I've been meeting with all sorts of entrepreneurial types; people who have started companies, people who want to start companies, people who want to know people who want to start companies. [They're the luckiest people in the world.] When I'm with the old hands we reminisce about the startups, good and bad, that we've been in. Talking about the bad ones makes for way better war stories.

All this talk about bad companies reminded me that I've had a song working it's way out of my subconscious for many years now. To be sung to the tune of Tom Lehrer's National Brotherhood Week:

Oh, developers hate the testers
And the testers hate developers
To hate all your coworkers
Is a standard management tool

But in a VC-funded startup
VC-funded startup
PhDs and MBAs
Don't cross each other up
It's fun to use the guys
Who do stuff you despise
As long as you are sure you got more stock

Oh, the ops guys hate the apps guys
And the apps guys hate the ops guys
The new CEO hates the wise guy
Who happens to be the founder

But in a VC-funded startup
VC-funded startup
Everyone can get along if
We don't f**k it up
Who cares which products won't
As long investors don't
Howjya think the tall blond made his mint

Oh, the customers hate the sales force
And the sales force hates the customers
And the management hates the chairman
And everybody hates marketing

But in a VC-funded startup
VC-funded startup
Get big or go home, that the way
No prize for runner-up
Why should you get along,
With people who are wrong?
Who cares your stupid job is getting old --
You only have to wait until we're sold!